I have 3 sons, and a husband, also a boy dog. I am totally outnumbered. (I do at least have a girl dog too, we’re a team in this house of testosterone) I’ve learned a lot from almost 20 years of being a boy mom. Boys are pretty simple, and totally awesome. They, however, are like gremlins, you need to follow certain rules to keep them happy & to keep yourself sane!!
1- Feed Them– Constantly, you must constantly feed them. It does not matter if lunch was 5 minutes ago they are dying of hunger. A box of granola bars or cereal can be eaten in one sitting. Keep snacks on hand at all times and get used to being asked “When is dinner?” at like 3:00 in the afternoon. Keeping them fed during the teenage years is a full time job!
2- Get Used to Dirt– Boys produce their own dirt. They have the ability to step outside for 0.03 seconds and come back in with something on their shoe and track it through the whole house. Their clothes get dirty, and have weird smells. Even right after a bath they sometimes inexplicably have dirt on them. Where did it come from?? You’ll never know.
3- Learn to Laugh at Farts– It’s ok. Lower your sense of humor down to that of an 11 year old boy. Farts are funny, fart noises are funny. Whoopie cushions are awesome, and giggling about it all is way easier then trying to make them stop. Take the “if you can’t beat them, join them” approach.
4- Learn to Tune Out the Noise– Boys are noisy. They walk heavily, they slam doors, they yell, they bang things. They have toys that make tons of noise, like their video games and tv with the volume turned up (it’s just not the same if you don’t feel like you’re in an actual war). The noise becomes a part of life. Learn to tune it out as they run past you shooting each other with Nerf guns, just keep making dinner because they’ll be hungry soon.
5- Learn to Identify “Real” Yelling– Inevitably while you are tuning out the noise there will be yelling. If they are playing outside the yelling will be louder. Learn to distinguish the play yelling from the “I’ve fallen down and I’m bleeding yelling. ” They are similar but once you learn you don’t have to go running every time!
6- Always Check the Seat- You know which one I mean. You can never, never go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without checking. During the day is less dangerous but it’s still always a good idea to check. If you don’t you might toy with the idea of super gluing it down and making everyone sit to pee .
7-Find a Good Stain Remover– Try not to buy white. If your boys are involved in sports though you’ll realize quickly some crazy person always thinks white is a good idea. Bleach doesn’t get everything out folks. “Nice” clothes are a magnet for messes, don’t put them on before you are ready to head out the door! You will learn to treat stains from dirt, grass, food, markers, and things you’re not real sure you want to identify.
8- Learn to Love Creepy Crawly Things– Most boys love bugs (I do have on who doesn’t!) also frogs, lizards, salamders, snails etc. It’s ok to make rules like “Don’t Catch Spiders” to try and protect your sanity a little bit. However get used to collections of mayonaise jars with holes in them, looking up bugs on the interenet, and watching catterpillars turn into butterflies in your house!
9- Accept That Boys Are Weird– Boys are strange. If you are raising one you are nodding your head right now happy that someone else has noticed their peculiarities. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what makes them so odd but there are number of things. They make weird noises, have to climb on things, rock onto the back legs of their chairs all the time. They can turn anything into a gun or sword, and often run around acting like lunatics for no apparent reason. Its ok, it is not just your son.
10- Treasure Their Sweet Snuggles and Hugs– Boys are snuggly creatures. They love to cuddle up and be read to. And even as they get older they always give the best hugs. They know exactly when to show their mommy affection, whether your feeling down, enjoying a relaxing moment, or they have driven you completely batty, their hugs are always really well timed. There is nothing like the snuggles of a sweet little boy, they love their mom’s in such a special way!
Boys are super awesome, and as a boy mom you are certainly never bored!! What rules would you add to this list?
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