I have one pair of skinny jeans. It took me several years, and as many pairs to find one that I actually feel good about wearing.
The struggle is real folks… the latest fashion vs. the post baby (or 3) body.
So I have written a guide, the stages of skinny jeans if you will.. so you know you are not alone.
Step 1:Denial- It doesn’t matter that they are in style. They’re just for young girls, not grown women.I’m not trying to dress like a teenager. 1997 did not call they do not want their relaxed fit, boot leg jeans back.
Step 2: Justification- Ok… they are the style now, I’m totally dating myself with my jeans. Maybe I’ll try them…I mean they make them in my size. Maybe I’ll look ok, maybe I’ll even like them.
Step 3:The Workout- These are my size…of course… I can… Get…Them… Over… My…..Ass….jump up and down, jump up and down… they’ll fit… they’ll fit… wiggle, wiggle, wiggle…YES they’re up!!!… Now I have to button them…damn…. I’ll just lay down… how do they size these things??? They will fit… I think I can, I think I can… Squeeeeeze…. and they’re buttoned!!
Step 4: Lying to Yourself- See?? The size was correct, they fit, they’re just supposed to be snug, curve hugging… right?
Step 5: The Hideous Discovery- That is NOT a muffin top… no… no…NO!! Suck it in. SUCK.IT.IN!! It is just the mirror. There is no way, I do not have a muffin top. Oh no maybe I do… I’m feeling light headed, I need to sit down. What the hell? Now they are sliding off my ass, I have a plumber’s crack!! How in the blue blazes of Hell can jeans restrict my breathing and fall off at the same time?? This is bull shit.
Step 6-:Camouflage- Ok maybe I was exaggerating. It’s not a muffin top persay.. I’m just a little thick there in the middle. Let’s try a baggy shirt… maybe some layers, some rouching. Maybe all three… I can make this work, other middle age women do it.
Step 7: Looking on The Bright Side- It’s not like I’ll be able to overeat while I’m wearing these. Its great, they’ll help keep me from getting an actual muffin top. They’re practically a weight loss aid… see, this was a great idea!
Step 8:Positive Self Talk- There that’s good. I look alright… I’m a mom, I’m no stick figure but I can rock the skinny jeans. They’re really not that bad. I actually kind of like them… I’ve still got it! Lookin’ good momma!!
Step 9:The Honesty of Children- “Um…. Mom… what are you wearing? Did you buy those, like.. are they yours? Oh… they look… um…ok…I guess.”
Step 10: Rebellion– You know what 1997?? Screw You…I’m keeping my jeans.
Have you given up your favorite jeans for the latest fashion?