I Have a Ghost in My House (and his name is “Not Me”)

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I have a ghost that lives in my house.

I seriously debated on sharing this because I thought, “Who is going to believe me that there is a real legit ghost living in my house?”

I wasn’t going to share this, because I figured people would think I was crazy, deliusional, maybe even a witch.

But then I realized that there are countless other families that are being haunted by similar entities. I knew I needed to share my story to let these other moms that are dealing with ghosts know that they are not alone.

Solidarity sisters, we are in this together.

You see, these ghosts, these other wordly figures are here for one reason and one reason alone…

To make moms loose their minds.

They want to try our patience, and do little things that drive us crazy.

The one that lives in my house is called, “Not Me”

I don’t know where he originates from, when he passed on to the next life, or if I wronged him at some point to make him come take up residence in my home. But he is here, and daily he does things to agitate me.

His name is strange, but Not Me is definitely what he is called.

How do I know ?

Well my kids told me.

They apparently know he is here too but aren’t bothered by it in the least. You would think that kids would freak out about a haunting but they just talk about it all nonchalantly.

“Who finished the conditioner and didn’t throw the bottle away?”

“Not Me,” is the answer they all give me.

“Who left an empty toilet paper roll on the holder?”

“Not Me,” says my oldest, then my middle one, then my youngest.

This Not Me is a real pain in the ass!!

“Who put this milk away with like 2 drips left in it?”

I’ll let you guess their answer… yep… once again… the faceless entity who wreaks havoc in my house and no one ever sees but my kids know for sure is responsible.

Not Me.

“Who dripped something sticky all over the kitchen floor?”

By now you know the answer… he is behind everything!

Now you might be wondering how I know that Not Me is male since I’ve never seen him??

Well it is because apparently in the afterlife you still have to pee.

He uses my toilet daily and has terrible, terrible, terrible aim. I’ve asked my boys a million times who keeps dribbling on the toilet rim and each and every time they tell me, without a doubt.

“Not Me.”

I know other moms have similar entities, sometimes they go by, I Don’t Know or It Wasn’t Me … the names are always vague and strange but eerily similar!

All of these ghosts have one mission though, to move through our homes silently, unobserved, only able to be seen by our children as they systematically find what annoys us the most and do it over and over and over again.

And what recourse do we have? Burn some sage, get a Ouji board? Call a priest?

Can we talk to our mom friends about our hauntings without seeming crazy? Maybe, if they are afflicted as well, but it is a tough subject to bring up in conversation.

So we suffer in silence, cursing Not Me under our breath as we shower with no conditioner, reach into the cabinet for a fresh roll of TP, wipe up the mysterious sticky stuff on the floor (maybe its ectoplasm!) and once again clean the toilet.

I have heard rumor that eventually these ghosts tire of tormenting you and move on… it seems to happen around the same time your youngest child goes off to college. So I suppose I’ll just adjust to my pal Not Me, cause he’s going to be around for several more years!

If you are experiencing a haunting know that you are not alone. I am here to tell you that you are not the only mother targeted by these beings and we are all in this together!

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